thewaterswarm (thewaterswarm) wrote,

Five Years!!!!!

It's around five years since my last post on here and it's been rather weird looking at what I had written. It was even weirder reading my journal before that, which was full of the pain and angst of the distressing separation from my partner in 2003.

In 2005 I had decided it would be all change. A new journal. A new me. I wrote for about a month or so and then it all petered out.

What seems extraordinary now, and what has motivated me to try to start this journal again, is how vividly I wrote about my feelings at that time. How honest and open I was about what was going on in my life and how willing I was to experience and express it all. 

There is a brilliant first line to an otherwise enjoyable but unremarkable book called The Go-Between. "The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there". Re-reading that journal felt like entering the heart of a completely different man. Somehow I have become more detached and distant from myself. Perhaps life has worn me down? Maybe the single life, being separate and without someone to share with, has left me somehow hardened and disconnected.

I'm hoping that starting to write again will bring me back in contact with myself. Allow me to search out the person I was then and integrate them back into the person I am now. These are the first few steps in a journey that I hope will be life changing. 
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